The New Normal

[CONCEPT: I wrote about my experience below. I want to capture a lot of close up sensory footage of the feelings and actions discussed. I will then edit them together to show the obsessive, panicked, unsure, and aggravating nature of this time. I want to particularly explore my interaction with my computer and how they manipulate my actions through news, social media, class etc. I may do this by keeping the actual physical technology out of the shot-not sure yet. I want to keep it centered around my actions rather than my identity as I feel many people are doing and feeling similar things. I want it to serve as a kind of time capsule by being a routine and stimulus of life that is unique to right now.]

My experience of the past month has been sensory overload. At first, I felt like my whole body was humming.
My vision tunneled, jaw locked, stomach-dropped, skin-crawled, and my thoughts raced. 
I obsessively scrolled, checked, texted, and called. I took my temperature 10 times a day. I swallowed every 30 seconds to make sure my throat wasn’t sore. I feel like I can’t breathe.

I count days. 
It’s been 15 days since I left the city. I can finally stop thinking that I have killed my parents. 
It’s been 16 days since my parents flew to my grandmother’s 90th birthday. My mom couldn’t cancel the ticket not knowing if it would be the last time. It’s been 27 days since I last went out in New York City. The last time it will look like that. It’s been 31 days since I woke up and didn’t think like this.

Since I’ve been home my adrenaline has run out and now I am left mostly with grief. Mourning a time before the world hurt like this. I still read the news every couple of hours and my blood boils and I cry. I feel this in my heavy chest and tingling face.

Florida is nice. Sun makes this feel better. But I feel like I am on a climbing roller coaster again. We are headed to disaster. Everyone here is at risk, no one is doing anything. I don’t believe in “next Italy’s” anymore because I know there are worse things coming. I feel this in the tightening of my shoulders.

I come up with plans. Plans to keep grocery workers safe. Plans to make PPE and masks. Plans to open hospitals. Plans to shut down cites, states, and countries. Plans to 3D print ventilators. Plans to keep people fed. Plans to get people out of prisons.  Plans if I get sick. Plans if my parents get sick. I feel this in my forehead before I go to sleep.

Both of my parents are at risk. I tell my dad to wash his hands more. I soak all the produce in soapy water. I don’t let my mom touch the mail. They tell me I’m overreacting. I tell them I’m doing the groceries from here on out. I wash my hands endlessly. I feel this in my hands, stiff when I bend them.

I attend class and do my work.  I act animated in front of a screen for hours and then I don’t. I read books and watch movies. My heart jumps when someone touches a face or enters a crowd. I long for that feeling. I try to not feel like I abandoned my grown-up self in New York. I cover my tattoos and take out my piercings, for the first time in my life I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to fling myself into this future, I don’t want what’s coming to come. The waiting makes time work in weird ways, nothing feels real. I feel this all over.

~ by ajjeffers101 on March 29, 2020.

7 Responses to “The New Normal”

  1. What stands out to me in your proposal is your minute observation of what you are doing and how you feel

  2. Your strong first-person voice really stuck with me

  3. This stuck with me most because I feel your sensory overload throughout this whole article. It’s emotional, it’s impactful, it’s detailing how you react around your parents and families. It’s so genuine and true, that makes resonate so much. Thank you.

  4. I love how personal this is, I can really feel the reality of everything hitting me through how poetic your words are. It really makes the state of the world feel really heavy, which will be really powerful when executed through video.

  5. The intensity of emotion and affect you communicated in this post really stood out to me, and I think it will make your video very impactful.

  6. Your 2nd paragraph and descriptions throughout the piece really stick out to me and make the writing so powerful! Reads like a poem!

  7. The breakdown of this post is very personal and appealing. The language style really makes an impressions. It seems like people are just living their life, yet it is so much different from the “old” normal life we used to have.

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